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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Freedom

As a writer, I have been asked to write a blog on freedom. I could go so many different ways with this topic. I want to talk to you all about how free I feel at this time of my life. Freedom is a gift. I am so grateful for my freedom in every way.

Energetically, I want you all to know that energy in all of us is real. Our personal energy is palpable. As a hands on healer, I feel energies and am very sensitive to energies because I have a gift. I am very honored to have this gift of healing and I know it only comes from the higher source of God.

When I was married I had no freedom. I was in a violent relationship.  What does that mean?  Violence is not only physical.  It can be emotional, spiritual, verbal, psychological and so on. I want all women and men to know that violent energy in any form is debilitating. Lets look at violent relationships energetically, since this topic is not talked about very often.

I remember when I was married to him that when I grocery shopped, I would run threw the store as fast as possible.  I knew that  my ex husband would get angry I was gone. He did not like me to shop without him, but most of the time I had to because of time constraints. He would come home from work and look in the refrigerator to see what I had bought. I remember how scared I was when he did this. He always found something in the refrigerator that he did not think we should have.  I remember one time it was bath bubbles for me.   I paid for that emotionally for way too long. I know it sounds silly, but living like this is Hell.

One of the toughest memories of mine was when my ex and I took our two young babies with us to a lawyer friend of ours to sign our wills.  We were going on a trip to Mexico coming up in the next couple of weeks. My ex had told me that we would not have to pay for our wills to be drawn up since he would give this friend/lawyer friend of his free chiropractic treatment.  They had bartered services.  Great I thought. Now, at this time of my marriage, I had not clearly understood the cycle of violence.  As we sat in the office signing away, I heard the lawyer ask for a check.  I felt confused because my husband had told me it was free.

We got out into our car. I drove, my ex was in the passenger side of the car and my two kids were strapped in their car seats. My son, the oldest of my two kids was only 2.5 and my daughter was18 months younger. As I drove us out towards home I stated that I was confused as to why we paid the lawyer.  I stated that we had planned our budget for our Mexico trip and this was to be free of charge for a barter. I remember his hand flying over into my stomach, sucker punching me. I was in total shock. Tears flowed down my cheeks as he screamed telling me how ridiculous it was I was crying. I tried to hide my tears from the kids. My ex kept exclaiming how fear based I was. My darling son, cried and said, "Mommy, why did daddy hit you?".  I was then told to go to Mac Donald's and pull through the drive through window.  He told me to get the kids a ice cream cone.  "No way, you just hit me, I am upset and crying and you want me to go to a drive up window?"  Well, I knew I had no choice and drove up and through my crying ordered two cones.

Freedom Oh sweet Freedom, I love you.


One time as we laid in our bed I saw black figures on the walls in my bedroom. It was terrorizing, but I knew I had to make a decision. I also had two weeks that my garage would go up on it's own. I laid in bed and prayed for God to give me an answer as to what I should do, stay or leave. We had two great kids together.  As a Catholic, I really struggled with this issue. My church was not so supportive because they received a lot of financial support from my ex husbands family. Unfortunately, money talks even in the church.  My relationship with God was strong. I was walking six miles a day through this time in my life so I could hear God talking to me. This was when I realized my relationship with the God or Jesus was far more precious to me than my church. At this point in  my marriage, I had been with this man for 9 years.

Praying in my bed on these nights the same thing happened.  The garage would go up on it's own and I would go down stairs and close it. I also could hear very clearly " Laura, get out.". I had so much support from family and friends.

I had made my decision. I served him papers in 2002.  I have been set free. I feel so grateful every day.  I no longer have oppression weighing down on me. Life is such a gift. I am not saying it was easy, it was an arduous journey.

If I can help anyone in this situation, just one, then I am happy. My life is sweet and precious now. Freedom is such a gift.

9 comments:

  1. Laura this is a very personal and touching post and I am truly sorry that you had to go through so much hardship and I am happy that you are free. Thank you for sharing this!

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  2. Claudia,
    I am so glad you stopped by. Thanks so much for the lovely words. Life is great now.

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  3. You've been through so much. I am glad you found your well deserved freedom at last and are free of the tyranny you were subjected to all those years. Thanks for sharing.

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  4. Laura...this post had me thanking God that you are no longer living in that oppressive marriage. You are so right in that freedom is a wonderful, precious gift. Thanks so much for sharing...and I do believe you will help someone with this. (((HUGS))) Jenn

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  5. Wow! Your answer came so clearly--I have goosebumps!

    I've had a few experiences that were similar and I will never forget them!

    Amazing blog!

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  6. A M E N !!!!!!! whew..that was hard to read

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  7. I am so glad to hear you got out of that situation. Sadly, I know people that are still in abusive relationships. Those are no good for anyone.

    --Diana Jillian

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  8. I am sorry that you went through this. It must have been so difficult for you. Thank you for sharing your story here. It is so very important.

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  9. I went through a similar situation with my first husband. I knew when it was time to move on as sure as if God spoke it in my ear. I too experience the jubilation of freedom when I finally was free of him. It was a horrible time in my life, but I was so thankful to survive it as I am sure you are. I don't like to return to the time in my life even in my memories. I think I try to mentally block it out. Still, every now and then I pull those memories out and dust them off, just to remind myself what I learned from the experience. This was a great heart-felt soul wrenching post that must have taken much to share.
    Kathy
    http://www.thetruckerswife.com/

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