Thursday, June 30, 2011
Energetically, I want you all to know that energy in all of us is real. Our personal energy is palpable. As a hands on healer, I feel energies and am very sensitive to energies because I have a gift. I am very honored to have this gift of healing and I know it only comes from the higher source of God.
I remember when I was married to him that when I grocery shopped, I would run threw the store as fast as possible. I knew that my ex husband would get angry I was gone. He did not like me to shop without him, but most of the time I had to because of time constraints. He would come home from work and look in the refrigerator to see what I had bought. I remember how scared I was when he did this. He always found something in the refrigerator that he did not think we should have. I remember one time it was bath bubbles for me. I paid for that emotionally for way too long. I know it sounds silly, but living like this is Hell.
One of the toughest memories of mine was when my ex and I took our two young babies with us to a lawyer friend of ours to sign our wills. We were going on a trip to Mexico coming up in the next couple of weeks. My ex had told me that we would not have to pay for our wills to be drawn up since he would give this friend/lawyer friend of his free chiropractic treatment. They had bartered services. Great I thought. Now, at this time of my marriage, I had not clearly understood the cycle of violence. As we sat in the office signing away, I heard the lawyer ask for a check. I felt confused because my husband had told me it was free.
We got out into our car. I drove, my ex was in the passenger side of the car and my two kids were strapped in their car seats. My son, the oldest of my two kids was only 2.5 and my daughter was18 months younger. As I drove us out towards home I stated that I was confused as to why we paid the lawyer. I stated that we had planned our budget for our Mexico trip and this was to be free of charge for a barter. I remember his hand flying over into my stomach, sucker punching me. I was in total shock. Tears flowed down my cheeks as he screamed telling me how ridiculous it was I was crying. I tried to hide my tears from the kids. My ex kept exclaiming how fear based I was. My darling son, cried and said, "Mommy, why did daddy hit you?". I was then told to go to Mac Donald's and pull through the drive through window. He told me to get the kids a ice cream cone. "No way, you just hit me, I am upset and crying and you want me to go to a drive up window?" Well, I knew I had no choice and drove up and through my crying ordered two cones.
Freedom Oh sweet Freedom, I love you.
One time as we laid in our bed I saw black figures on the walls in my bedroom. It was terrorizing, but I knew I had to make a decision. I also had two weeks that my garage would go up on it's own. I laid in bed and prayed for God to give me an answer as to what I should do, stay or leave. We had two great kids together. As a Catholic, I really struggled with this issue. My church was not so supportive because they received a lot of financial support from my ex husbands family. Unfortunately, money talks even in the church. My relationship with God was strong. I was walking six miles a day through this time in my life so I could hear God talking to me. This was when I realized my relationship with the God or Jesus was far more precious to me than my church. At this point in my marriage, I had been with this man for 9 years.
Praying in my bed on these nights the same thing happened. The garage would go up on it's own and I would go down stairs and close it. I also could hear very clearly " Laura, get out.". I had so much support from family and friends.
If I can help anyone in this situation, just one, then I am happy. My life is sweet and precious now. Freedom is such a gift.