My Stoop

Copy Rights for Laura Registered & Protected

Friday, December 18, 2020

Gas Lighting Awareness

As a therapist, life coach and spiritual healer; it is beyond frightful the gas lighting going on in our White House and our world. It brings up  horrifying memories for me as I compare my old life with whatis happening in our white house and in our nation.  It is very concerning if you look at the circle of people in the lives of the president and the myriad of  lies they just believe, that fall out of his mouth. It is not that hard to be brain washed, in fact, if you read on Stockholm syndrome, it will give you a great look into the nature of this disorder. Gas lighting is a form of psychological abuse whereby the perpetrator tries to gain control by making others believe things that are not true.  The perpetrator manipulates the person or members of a group by using their secrets and/ or laying down seeds of doubt so they not only questions their sanity, but feel aligned to the perpetrator.  Gas Lighters are like vampires, sucking out reality by repeatedly saying the same things over and over and making us believe we are "The insane Ones".  I should know, I am pretty much an expert since I was married to a gas lighter. The long term effects of the abusive nature of this narcissistic, venomous personality is hard to define at first, but when educated on this everything makes sense. Hint, there is life after being gas lighted.

I was deeply scarred by the abusive nature of my gas lighter. Even after all these years, 19  years divorced and 21 years since I served him divorce papers, I am embarrassed to admit it took me so long to understand what "it Was."How could this happen to me, I am in the mental health field?

I tell groups of women and men in my training's of family violence and abuse and what we can do about it, that I will never forget the day I was able to "NAME IT AS ABUSE."

It took a lot of love and support to get me there, but I finally saw the Real person behind my 13 year marriage and the father of my two beloved children.

What I teach women and men in these sessions is how to look for these characteristics:

1. Is the person trying to isolate you? My ex used to keep me away from my twin sister and father as often as possible because he knew they loved and supported me. He could not brain wash me if I was my normal social self around the people I love.
2. Does this person name call and degrade you? A great example of this is when my ex and I were going to get a family picture taken. He stated matter of factly, lets wait till you lose weight to take this family picture. The sad thing is, I look back and I was so beautiful. It does not matter fat or thin, how f' ing horrid to say something like this to your wife who made vows with. (it worked, he made me feel ugly)
3. Is it always someone else's fault. Anyone in this persons life is demeaned. They go out of their way to make sure you know, it is never his/her fault, but everyone else around him/her.
4. Is this person possessive and wants to have you all to him/her self. Be careful, especially in the day of cell phones and social media. 10 calls within five minutes is absolutely glaring.
5. Do they tell Your stories for you to others and the stories are not what really happened? This happened frequently in my marriage with the gas lighter, and it got worse over time.
6. Red Flags! Sooo many red flags and I know I saw them and turned a blind eye. He hit me in the face before going into a dinner event with his family because I disagreed with him. Yep, that's all it took. Disagree with a narcissist, and you pay for it.
7. The power over you with $. I had to ask him for money. Ugh, how degrading. Not at all a partnership, I had to ask for $ even for groceries to feed our kids.I would get degraded when buying anything for me like bath bubbles.
8. I was F'in invisible to him. He sure wined and dined me when we met, then oh boy, the ride was over and I was a burden in every aspect of the word. Life was as I called it and my domestic abuse group called it, the Friday Night Horror show, but the bummer, it was my life.
9. Mind Control or f'ing- I look back now and shutter because most of my precious time he was using verbal and psychological abuse by telling me things, like, I did not say that or I did not hit you or insane things that to you and me are right in front of us. I mean, how could he actually say, he did not hit me, yet, here I am at a DQ after he hit me and I stated don't ever hit me again. He made me pull up to a DQ window and order cones for my children as tears flowed down my cheeks with him in the passenger sheet saying Laura, calm down, I did not hit you and this is not good for the kids."

Cycle of Abuse

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Trumps Ego builds his own impeachment case

If you are versed on Narcissism or Gas lighting at all, you know that Donald J. Trump displays the Narcissist personality and Gas lighting behavior to a T. He just can't keep his big mouth shut. He is his own worst enemy. 

 I will circle back to this further in my post. Right now, lets define Narcissism and Gas lighting because it is important to understand the psychological profile of DJT and why he acts the way he does. 

Narcissistic personality disorder as defined by Mayo Clinic says: is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favors or admiration they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilled, and others may not enjoy being around them.
Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and the severity of symptoms vary. People with the disorder can:
  • Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
  • Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
  • Exaggerate achievements and talents
  • Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
  • Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
  • Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
  • Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
  • Take advantage of others to get what they want
  • Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
  • Be envious of others and believe others envy them
  • Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
  • Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office
At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:
  • Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment
  • Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted
  • React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior
  • Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
  • Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change
  • Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection
  • Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation

Psychiatrist Theodore Dorpat described two characteristics of gaslighting: that the abuser wants full control of feelings, thoughts, or actions of the victim, and that the abuser emotionally abuses the victim discreetly, but in hostile, abusive and coercive ways. 

Patricia Evans states there are seven "warning signs of gaslighting are the observed abuser's: 

1. Withholding information from the victim
2. Countering information to fit the abuser's perspective
3. Discounting information
4. Using verbal abuse, usually in the form of jokes
5. Blocking and diverting the victim's attention from outside sources
6. Trivializing or minimizing the victim's worth
7. Undermining the victim by gradually weakening them and their thought processes. 

Hmmm, sounds a bit familiar doesn't it?  Yes, if you watch  our president in his tyrannical tweets, his speech and more recently the video of the President in his Davos talk,Trump spoke of the impeachment trial, " We have all the material." They don't have the material."  You can't make this stuff up, he really did say this. 

He could not stop himself. He stood up in front of all at Davos, bragging like a child. This is further evidence that this man has an ego bigger than the planet. Be aware all, that this behavior will incite from reporters, news outlets and perhaps even his staunch supporters that he is a train wreck for the nation. He admitted he withheld materials. Wow! Not very smart DJT. Remember this senators that stand up for him like clowns at the impeachment farce, he will have no problem throwing any of you under the bus. 

We need to role model what Nancy Pelosi is doing. We must pray for our enemy. We must pray for DJT because he is a mess that is wreaking havoc on our democratic system and our national and international security. 

"You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I shall rise." -Maya Angelou

Laura Rogers, M.A.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Earth Day Volunteer Appreciation Event

As a Director of Volunteers, each year I plan, create and execute a Volunteer Appreciation Event. This year the date I decided on was Wednesday, April 22nd. This is earth day and my theme this year is "Volunteers Make a World of Difference."

Oh, how I adore event planning. All these exciting ideas from Pinterest and other venues I have been a part of. It somehow all comes together. I just let the creative part of me take over.

Since my theme is "Volunteers make a world of difference" and it happens to fall on Earth Day, I really played with this like a kid in a sand box.

Creating a theme and event is so similiar to the process of writing. You just let go and let the process happen. I am sure many of you out there feel the same. I knew I wanted some globe shaped glass to hold something earthy for the theme as my center piece.

Out I went and scouted out different craft, dollar stores and flower shops . It was Michaels that I found my treasures that led me into a fun earthy center piece. I first bought a large bag of moss since the big bag cost less than a small bag. That was a no brainer. Then I looked for different round glass holders. Boom, there it was. Tear drop and circular glass globe containers perfect for making some type of earthy terrarium. The  pragmatic part of these is they had a hole in the front for watering. Also they had a rope on the top so you could hang them or put them on a table for decoration.

Then I went to different flower shops and landed at Bachmans. They were the only flower shop that had more than two or three air plants. Most of the flower shops that carried air plants had more Easter flowers or plants. You know your idea is leading to a creation when it happens so easy. It  is meant to be when you count out exactly the perfect amount of air plants that would soon be centerpieces on each table for each generous volunteer.

So, that is how my earthy, air plant terrariums were born. It was so fun to bring air plants back with Shells and rocks that I had found at Bachmans and dollar stores to put this idea together.

I trained a volunteer resident on the creative technique. I had planned on recruiting volunteers on Volunteer Match and Craigslist Community section for to do all 18 of them. It only took one three hour block of time to put these together.  I received input from the active living team and decided to put a colorful blue and green earth place mat circle under each of these. My event caterer had mirrors, so I thought circular transparent mirror, on top of Blue and Green earth cut out and on top of that the center piece. So much color, simple and beautiful and not costly. Each volunteer was to receive a give away of a little piece of the cosmos.  The Easy Breezy Instructions:

First put a light layer of decorative pebbles down on the bottom of the glass terrarium, then add in one small amount of moss in the middle of the pebbles and put a hole in it. Add the small air plant in this moss hole. Once the air plant is in the hole firmly, then create away. There is no right way, just let your creative juices flow. I tried to make all of them a bit different. I added white and colored sea shells and colored decorative rock.

Make sure you spritz your air plant and moss each day. You want lively, replicas of the earth to stand out at your earth day event. It is hard to kill air plants since they live by air, but they can tend to dry up a bit. I bought a 99c spray bottle at the dollar store to water them daily.
Have a fun Earth Day event and remember water your baby eco systems daily.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

My Review of Sheppard (Band)

I am absolutely stoked about the band named Sheppard. My twin sister and I had the opportunity to listen to this talented indie pop band that was formed in Brisbane in 2009. We took front row seats in over sized cushy brown lounge chairs at Cities97 Studio C. We had stumbled upon their great sound and harmonies while watching Ellen one day. From there on, it was love at first sound. It was October of 2014 when we saw them live. What is really exciting is that this band is independent and was nominated at the ARIA Music Awards of 2013 for Album of the Year, Best Group, Best Independent Release, Best Pop Release, Song of the Year, Producer of the Year and Best Video for the "Let Me Down Easy."

The band members are Amy Sheppard (Lead vocals, harmonica, songwriter), George Sheppard (Lead vocals, keys, songwriter), Jason Bovino (Rhythm guitar, backing vocals, songwriter), Michael Butler (Lead guitar), Emma Sheppard (Bass guitar, backing vocals), and Dean Gordon (Drums). Two of the members could not be there the day the band played live at Studio C. Having less members did not hamper the performance in any way, in fact, this band is the "Real Deal" as they walked in with  angelic voices/ acoustic guitar and knocked our socks off.

How many bands that you see live can stroll in and knock it out of the park singing perfect harmonies and do it with the confidence, ease and unadulterated talent? This band is killing it in 26 countries and are the new family genre band of the century. Their debut studio album, Bombs Away, was released on July 11, 2014 and peaked at number two on the ARIA Albums Chart. Their second single, "Geronimo", from February that year, spent three weeks at number one on the ARIA singles Chart, knocking Pharrell Williams' single "Happy" from the top spot after its 12 week run.

George Sheppard shared with all of us Studio C guests, a fun story on how this humble band got started. Amy had asked her brother for help as she was to write a song sprinkled with harmony to a new song she was to compose for a college class. She heard her brother singing and he was the  only one home. She loved his harmony and That is how it all started. 

Sheppard sang three tunes for us on this day and it included "Bombs Away and Geronimo."  Sitting front and center listening to this talented band was a wonderful experience. We were able to get a picture with them as well and they could not have been nicer. The band teased my twin sister and I since we were moving our bodies and heads in unison. Brian Oake told the group he needed to get our names on the cushion chairs since we have been to so many Cities 97, Studio C performances. 

I highly recommend that you get acquainted with the sound of  this group because they are upbeat, talented and fun to watch. 

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Billy Dream

The love of my life
Together in my dream life
I long for you-PAIN