Spooky goes for a joy ride?

Standing at my kitchen window, I felt relieved. Dishes done, check, counter tops disinfected, check, now I could keep up the pace and continue in my job search. I heard the phone ring in the living room and dashed to answer it. On the other end of the line I heard my sister. Linda's voice trembled as she told me about our three year old puppies' first ride in the convertible. The story went something like this: beautiful sunny day, who could complain? Top down with the wind in their hair. Ellie and Aunt Linda were enjoying the ride on this perfect day. Tunes blaring and puppy in arms, Ellie's large grin painted over her face told aunt Linda she was a happy camper. "This is the best day ever aunt, great car ride with my pup, auntie and the sun shining in on us. Ahhh what a day." Winding around the curve on highway 12, Auntie Linda observes what looks innocent at first glance, but could this prove deadly? A resident of Orono was out walking his dogs on a lovely day in November. I get it, who wouldn't want to be out on this mild November day in 2012? Ellie held her puppy tight knowing any any moment she could jump out. She was a puppy after all and like most puppies, energy, enthusiasm and impulsiveness was part of her DNA. She let her dog put her puppy paws on the convertible top and look out. " I am a queen, a queen doggie who has the world by the doggie bone." Spooky was actually smiling and both Aunt Linda and Ellie nodded in sync. "When the dogs happy, everybody's happy." Aunt Linda warned Ellie sternly that she had better hold her a bit tighter since up ahead she could see the owner and his dogs out for a walk. "oh no Auntie, Spooky is gone, she jumped out." "What? Oh no." Auntie honked her horn so drivers would not run over Spooky. " This is our dog, this is our dog she screamed and she pointed in the direction of the puppy laying out on the road. Please someone help her get into the car." Poor Ellie had to watch in horror as her puppy rolled many times down the highway. She was horrified to see her puppy so vulnerable. All Ellie could think of was how ugly this scenario could turn out. A wonderful hero pulled over and scooped up Spooky in his arms. Bleeding in this good samaritans' car, she looked at her hero with eyes drooping and blood trickling. The man waved my sister over to claim the doggie back. Jumping into Ellies' arms, her puppy kissed her all over her face. "Spooky must know how sad and devastated I am." Her kisses were pronouncing that all would be fine. This reunion of sorts was strangely making water drip down Aunties cheeks. Walking back down the white board room corridor, Ellie listened intently to the professionals advice. "Ellie, Spooky is no worse for the wear after her adventurous day. Spooky took quite a scare, but she is a very brave little girl. Just watch her tonight if any symptoms should arise. Just call if anything concerns you ok?" The vet finished the paperwork and sent them on their way. Ellie held her baby puppy close to her smiling as big as her sense of gratitude. "Spooky, I am so sorry I took you in the car for a ride. I would not know what to do without you in my life. I am so thankful God spared your life. Let's go home baby."

Happy Halloween Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7v2so-XsEs&feature=related

Happy Halloween to all my followers.

Calming Fire Video after Hurricane Sandy

Autumn Haiku

Dancing, swirling, dry
Happy, laughing leaves so high

Autumn winds, hard, fast
Colors swirling, shadows cast

Time to sleep now, lay
Atop moist grasses and hay

Life of dead leaves, scattered round

Good night autumn, sleep peaceful and sound

Laura Rogers

"Mommy, I need you"

I remember the strong, heart wrenching emotions as if it happened yesterday. I knew mom was sick, but this was unfathomable. Here I was, only nine years old and feeling as if my entire world just ended. The darkness, the fear, the questions, were all too real in my young mind. Why, Why, Why?

Dad called us all into the living room early one morning. I knew this couldn't be good. My dad was not the type to just call us five kids into a room for a talk. I could feel my stomach turn and drop as I heard him speak- "Kids, your mom passed away last night. She was too sick for the doctors to make her better. She is gone."

I remember feeling as if someone literally sucked all the life energy out of my body. I felt week, dizzy-"this must all be a dream" I thought to myself. My bright world suddenly drew dark and dank around me.  Dad repeated the words again...."Mom is gone."

Running and screaming back into my bedroom felt like I was in a movie. It was as if time was in slow motion. Maybe this is just a bad nightmare and I will wake up.   I ran crying, screaming and exclaiming, No, No, No! The four other kids in the family watched me run out and I couldn't figure out how they could just sit there.

I flung myself over my bed, tears streaming down so fast that my pillow became like a wet wash cloth. How could God do this? Why me? What did I do wrong? My room is supposed to be my safe place, but nothing feels safe right now.

The days ahead were more of a blur than a reality. I felt as if I was disconnected from every thing, everyone, nothing seemed real to me. The joyous, enthusiastic Laura I had come to be known for was gone for now. I was just a shallow shell going through the motions.  The adults in my life felt it best that we go back to school after one day.

Art class was healing that week. All I could think about was my mom, how I lost her, how I needed to let her know how much I needed her and that I loved her so much. We were making clay objects that week, so I knew what I had to do. I would make mom a clay heart with the inscription, "I love you mom." 

At mom's funeral that week, there was not a dry eye in the room when I placed the heart on top of my mom's heart in her coffin. Sobs came from every direction. Aunts, uncles, cousins and family friends tried ever so hard to help us through this horror. I remember being so confused and sobbing uncontrollably as the wake guests walked up one after another to view my mom. One of my aunts, a stern Catholic nun, told me and my twin sister how terrible my mom looked. I was so mad at her for saying that to me.

I walked up to view mom since it was something we were told we had to do. I so did not want to see mom this way. I was so afraid. I walked up slowly, hoping I could get out of the line and run. I was next and saw her lying there with her hands on her chest. She was in a dress I saw her in so many times before. I could hardly breathe. This was the most morbid, scary thing I had ever seen. That is not my mom I thought. She was so lifeless. She looked so pale and frightening. This was like a living nightmare. I was devastated and traumatized.

Two nights later as I lay in my bed talking to God and obsessing about the death of my mom, I knew sleep was not going to come easy for me. I was so depressed, anxious and afraid of falling asleep. I sat there looking up at the ceiling for who knows how many hours. I looked over and saw my twin sister was fast asleep. We were sleeping in mom's old bedroom and bed that she pretty much died in. She started the dying process in her bed and her last breath was at the hospital.

I looked down the hallway of my bedroom and noticed someone must have turned on the light. I thought it odd since I knew the light was just off minutes before. This light was soft in nature and seemed to get closer to my room. I was intrigued to say the least, thinking this is not like the hall light normally looks. It kept coming closer and closer, and before I knew it, the light was in my room.

Hovering over the end of my bed was a translucent silhouette of my lovely mother in a long white gown. I had to shake my head in disbelief  because I knew this could not be real. I looked again and it was absolutely my mom. I said, "mom, your dead how can you be here?"  "I am fine dear, it's all going to be OK." Mom looked like an angel and appeared like a misty vapor.  I could see her face, but I could see through her. She looked like so pretty, like she did before she was sick. "Mom, I need you." "Everything is going to be OK Laura."  She was now hovering right at my bedside next to me. Mom, your so beautiful. Are you OK? Yes dear, I am fine and you and the other kids will be too." Mom sat with me for what seemed just an instant, but also a life time.

Mom smiled at me in total love and  floated back down the hallway, just as she came. The light was bright leaving my room but began to fade until she disappeared.

It was the first hard sleep I'd gotten since mother's death. I believe mom knew I needed to see her to believe she was safe with God. To this day, I treasure the gift she gave me. Love never dies, it just transforms.

Love is All

When the world looks black, love is all

When you stumble and fall, love is all

When you can't see past the cloud, love is all

When you can't get up, love is all

When you strain to look forward, love is all

When you can't see the sun, love is all

When you don't know where your going, love is all

When it looks so bleak, love is all

When it all falls apart, love is all

When you feel all the weight, love is all

Support is everything, love is all

Like Harriet Tubman says, push forward through it, love is all

The Sting

Ruptured nerves pungent pain
When will it feel normal again

Steely stingers digging deep
Sour, endless, unnerving reign

Punching blows raw and edgy
Smile wide then force wickedly in & behind me

Crass, Controlling, Constant Black Cloud
Hovering Over, Near and About

Timeless Agony Needles,& Pins
Hurting, grief, closure begins

Life ever changing, moving forward
Control what you can and do not falter

Treasures ahead, opportunities endless
Guide me to the doors of forgiveness