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Saturday, December 22, 2012

GBE2- #58- Anything

In the GBE2 Writing group, we were called to write about anything we wish, knowing that this is a season of hardship, woe or abundant love and perhaps a combination of all.

Following my heart, I knew just exactly what I wanted to write about.

 My life is in major transition right now. Looking back at the last 6 months to a year, I can stand proud and know I learned an amazing life lesson. I listened to my lord and let go of what I once thought I needed and understood that in this life the only real thing to hang onto is Love. The rest is just stuff.

 I stood up for my integrity and had to say goodbye in October to a career at a human service agency that was my life and passion for nine years. Suffice it to say, I knew leaving was the right option but at the same time, it was difficult to say good bye to all my amazing staff and volunteers that I had directed for several years. I was faced with a hostile work environment and knew the pain and suffering was not worth staying for. Perhaps I will write more in detail about this later, but for now I have to move forward and turn toward my many goals I have set for myself in 2013.

At the same time I dealt with this, I was also having to make tough decisions about whether or not I could save my home to foreclosure. Well, God in his infinite wisdom let the chips fall and showed me I needed to let go and proceed forward and let a short sale happen in January of 2013. That is where I am right now.

Dealing with this amount of hardship has proved worthy. I know that each time in life that I have had this hard pain, something interesting happens. Life gets easier because I have had to let go and live in my faith and just trust.

I am so grateful for this experience..... I am still in the thick of it since I am actively trying to find a place for my children and twin sister to live once the house sells. I have not felt happier in years. It is the simplicity that is being shown to me so brightly. I liken it to the light house as the beacon letting me know that this world is not all there is and what is important is the relationships we have nurtured.

I have not sat back at all since being unemployed. My last day of work was the end of October. I have been involved in a employment program working with recruiters. I am taking full advantage of all the workshops and training classes. I have brushed up on all my computer skills and done: Word, Windows, Keyboarding, Excel and other training at job fairs.

I know that life has not been easy, but the grip the Holy Spirit has had on me has been a gift. I say "Thank you God for all you have given me. I am grateful."

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah and Happy Holidays to all my wonderful online friends. You give me so much and I appreciate it. Big cyber hugs from my family to yours.


Friday, December 7, 2012

WEEK #31 topic is "SIGNS". Blogging for fun

In a group I belong to"BLOGGING FOR FUN"- we are to find a sign or signs and photograph it. Yes people like signs AND these are fun. MALL OF AMERIA-MN--Dicks Last Resort

Thursday, November 29, 2012

GBE2- Single Syllable # 80

Life long pain in rump
No way to flee this
Turn cheek way back
Self care a must do
Fear Not
For you are strong in him

Just me---Hee Hee

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Spooky goes for a joy ride?

Standing at my kitchen window, I felt relieved. Dishes done, check, counter tops disinfected, check, now I could keep up the pace and continue in my job search. I heard the phone ring in the living room and dashed to answer it. On the other end of the line I heard my sister. Linda's voice trembled as she told me about our three year old puppies' first ride in the convertible. The story went something like this: beautiful sunny day, who could complain? Top down with the wind in their hair. Ellie and Aunt Linda were enjoying the ride on this perfect day. Tunes blaring and puppy in arms, Ellie's large grin painted over her face told aunt Linda she was a happy camper. "This is the best day ever aunt, great car ride with my pup, auntie and the sun shining in on us. Ahhh what a day." Winding around the curve on highway 12, Auntie Linda observes what looks innocent at first glance, but could this prove deadly? A resident of Orono was out walking his dogs on a lovely day in November. I get it, who wouldn't want to be out on this mild November day in 2012? Ellie held her puppy tight knowing any any moment she could jump out. She was a puppy after all and like most puppies, energy, enthusiasm and impulsiveness was part of her DNA. She let her dog put her puppy paws on the convertible top and look out. " I am a queen, a queen doggie who has the world by the doggie bone." Spooky was actually smiling and both Aunt Linda and Ellie nodded in sync. "When the dogs happy, everybody's happy." Aunt Linda warned Ellie sternly that she had better hold her a bit tighter since up ahead she could see the owner and his dogs out for a walk. "oh no Auntie, Spooky is gone, she jumped out." "What? Oh no." Auntie honked her horn so drivers would not run over Spooky. " This is our dog, this is our dog she screamed and she pointed in the direction of the puppy laying out on the road. Please someone help her get into the car." Poor Ellie had to watch in horror as her puppy rolled many times down the highway. She was horrified to see her puppy so vulnerable. All Ellie could think of was how ugly this scenario could turn out. A wonderful hero pulled over and scooped up Spooky in his arms. Bleeding in this good samaritans' car, she looked at her hero with eyes drooping and blood trickling. The man waved my sister over to claim the doggie back. Jumping into Ellies' arms, her puppy kissed her all over her face. "Spooky must know how sad and devastated I am." Her kisses were pronouncing that all would be fine. This reunion of sorts was strangely making water drip down Aunties cheeks. Walking back down the white board room corridor, Ellie listened intently to the professionals advice. "Ellie, Spooky is no worse for the wear after her adventurous day. Spooky took quite a scare, but she is a very brave little girl. Just watch her tonight if any symptoms should arise. Just call if anything concerns you ok?" The vet finished the paperwork and sent them on their way. Ellie held her baby puppy close to her smiling as big as her sense of gratitude. "Spooky, I am so sorry I took you in the car for a ride. I would not know what to do without you in my life. I am so thankful God spared your life. Let's go home baby."

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween Video

Happy Halloween to all my followers.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Friday, October 12, 2012

Autumn Haiku

Dancing, swirling, dry
Happy, laughing leaves so high

Autumn winds, hard, fast
Colors swirling, shadows cast

Time to sleep now, lay
Atop moist grasses and hay

Life of dead leaves, scattered round
Good night autumn, sleep peaceful and sound

Laura Rogers

Sunday, October 7, 2012

"Mommy, I need you"

I remember the strong, heart wrenching emotions as if it happened yesterday. I knew mom was sick, but this was unfathomable. Here I was, only nine years old and feeling as if my entire world just ended. The darkness, the fear, the questions, were all too real in my young mind. Why, Why, Why?

Dad called us all into the living room early one morning. I knew this couldn't be good. My dad was not the type to just call us five kids into a room for a talk. I could feel my stomach turn and drop as I heard him speak- "Kids, your mom passed away last night. She was too sick for the doctors to make her better. She is gone."

I remember feeling as if someone literally sucked all the life energy out of my body. I felt week, dizzy-"this must all be a dream" I thought to myself. My bright world suddenly drew dark and dank around me.  Dad repeated the words again...."Mom is gone."

Running and screaming back into my bedroom felt like I was in a movie. It was as if time was in slow motion. Maybe this is just a bad nightmare and I will wake up.   I ran crying, screaming and exclaiming, No, No, No! The four other kids in the family watched me run out and I couldn't figure out how they could just sit there.

I flung myself over my bed, tears streaming down so fast that my pillow became like a wet wash cloth. How could God do this? Why me? What did I do wrong? My room is supposed to be my safe place, but nothing feels safe right now.

The days ahead were more of a blur than a reality. I felt as if I was disconnected from every thing, everyone, nothing seemed real to me. The joyous, enthusiastic Laura I had come to be known for was gone for now. I was just a shallow shell going through the motions.  The adults in my life felt it best that we go back to school after one day.

Art class was healing that week. All I could think about was my mom, how I lost her, how I needed to let her know how much I needed her and that I loved her so much. We were making clay objects that week, so I knew what I had to do. I would make mom a clay heart with the inscription, "I love you mom." 

At mom's funeral that week, there was not a dry eye in the room when I placed the heart on top of my mom's heart in her coffin. Sobs came from every direction. Aunts, uncles, cousins and family friends tried ever so hard to help us through this horror. I remember being so confused and sobbing uncontrollably as the wake guests walked up one after another to view my mom. One of my aunts, a stern Catholic nun, told me and my twin sister how terrible my mom looked. I was so mad at her for saying that to me.

I walked up to view mom since it was something we were told we had to do. I so did not want to see mom this way. I was so afraid. I walked up slowly, hoping I could get out of the line and run. I was next and saw her lying there with her hands on her chest. She was in a dress I saw her in so many times before. I could hardly breathe. This was the most morbid, scary thing I had ever seen. That is not my mom I thought. She was so lifeless. She looked so pale and frightening. This was like a living nightmare. I was devastated and traumatized.

Two nights later as I lay in my bed talking to God and obsessing about the death of my mom, I knew sleep was not going to come easy for me. I was so depressed, anxious and afraid of falling asleep. I sat there looking up at the ceiling for who knows how many hours. I looked over and saw my twin sister was fast asleep. We were sleeping in mom's old bedroom and bed that she pretty much died in. She started the dying process in her bed and her last breath was at the hospital.

I looked down the hallway of my bedroom and noticed someone must have turned on the light. I thought it odd since I knew the light was just off minutes before. This light was soft in nature and seemed to get closer to my room. I was intrigued to say the least, thinking this is not like the hall light normally looks. It kept coming closer and closer, and before I knew it, the light was in my room.

Hovering over the end of my bed was a translucent silhouette of my lovely mother in a long white gown. I had to shake my head in disbelief  because I knew this could not be real. I looked again and it was absolutely my mom. I said, "mom, your dead how can you be here?"  "I am fine dear, it's all going to be OK." Mom looked like an angel and appeared like a misty vapor.  I could see her face, but I could see through her. She looked like so pretty, like she did before she was sick. "Mom, I need you." "Everything is going to be OK Laura."  She was now hovering right at my bedside next to me. Mom, your so beautiful. Are you OK? Yes dear, I am fine and you and the other kids will be too." Mom sat with me for what seemed just an instant, but also a life time.

Mom smiled at me in total love and  floated back down the hallway, just as she came. The light was bright leaving my room but began to fade until she disappeared.

It was the first hard sleep I'd gotten since mother's death. I believe mom knew I needed to see her to believe she was safe with God. To this day, I treasure the gift she gave me. Love never dies, it just transforms.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Love is All

When the world looks black, love is all
When you stumble and fall, love is all
When you can't see past the cloud, love is all
When you can't get up, love is all
When you strain to look forward, love is all
When you can't see the sun, love is all
When you don't know where your going, love is all
When it looks so bleak, love is all
When it all falls apart, love is all
When you feel all the weight, love is all

Support is everything, love is all
Like Harriet Tubman says, push forward through it, love is all

Sunday, August 19, 2012

The Sting

Ruptured nerves pungent pain
When will it feel normal again

Steely stingers digging deep
Sour, endless, unnerving reign

Punching blows raw and edgy
Smile wide then force wickedly in & behind me

Crass, Controlling, Constant Black Cloud
Hovering Over, Near and About

Timeless Agony Needles,& Pins
Hurting, grief, closure begins

Life ever changing, moving forward
Control what you can and do not falter

Treasures ahead, opportunities endless
Guide me to the doors of forgiveness

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

What Beth is really doing on her month sabattical #60 GBE2

Just another day in Bethsville. Blogging, creating juicy tales is what gets Beth up in the morning. Most don't know that each morning when she takes breaks from her writing, she is calling the local jazz station. Beth is persistent and tries to win cash prizes, trips, anything that could take her away for only little while from her structured life.

Sitting in her three season porch with her cup of coffee, she heard the phone ringing in the house. Running to grab the phone she was greeted by a gentleman named Scott. Hi is Beth there? Well, it depends on who this is, giggling followed. I am Scott, the Promotional Manager at the local radio station. Oh, yes then, I am here, what did I win Scott? Beth could feel her legs giving way under her as she heard the best name ever Johhny Depp. 

Beth, you are the lucky winner to win the fly away trip with Johnny Depp on his secluded island. You will be there for one month, just you and Johnny and the photographers.You will fly out tomorrow on Delta for one month all expenses paid. Crack----@#@#

Beth opened her eyes and wondered what had happened. The phone lay on the floor next to her. Then she remembered, OH MY GOD, I won a trip with Johnny Dep. Miracles do happen. Johnny......................

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Sunset- BFF

There is nothing I love more than photographing sunsets. One of my favorite things to do. I hope you enjoy.



Young Love-Formal First Person

Billy and I adored my dad's sauna and pool. We would sit for an hour or more in the sauna then jump into the pool at the Sea Horse Condominium.  We would wait for our lips to get real hot and wet. The kisses in that sauna were something of heaven. The feel of his lips touching mine so softly still make me shiver today. I remember the smell of the sauna coals. Meditative, simple and sexy were these weekly visits to the sauna for Billy and I. I bathed in the smell of his breathe. Clean, sensual and soft were his lovely kisses. I long for those days that I could touch him, feel him, embrace him.

1991 at Hazeltine golf course, those days of kissing in the sauna  would be gone forever. I look back and remember the sheer pain I felt when I heard the news. " A 27 year old man from Spring Park, MN was hit by lightening and died at the hospital after lightening went through his body." I remember shaking when I heard the news. I had felt the loss spiritually and intuitively before I even heard it broadcast over the TV News Stations.

That was a year of deep trauma, agony and loss. I am glad 1991 is over and I can now look back on the good times and the agape love Billy and I shared together. I can see his smiling face dipping down to kiss me still. I love you William John Fadell.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Two Days Ago-GBE2

Two days ago as I rocked in my car I had to giggle. Here I am a 49 year old single mom of two, rocking out like I am in High School. As I peered in the mirror I thought, that girl is not me. I am young about 25 years old, thin, and beautiful. OK. So I am not ugly by any means, but I sure look different than I did back in the day.

For some reason, I was so conscious of this very moment in time. Feeling happy, exuberant, content. Now those are adjectives I would not have used as a young gal. Seriously, I had a good looking male staring at me because I was so happy listening to my music in the car. I just smiled at him like, "It is what it is."

I want to always live "In The Moment." I really think that is why I am so grateful each day. I thank God for my life, my kids and family, my home and my freedom. I love life.

I wrote this for my writing group GBE2- Two days Ago

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Journey

I cry out for his love he withdraws.  I see him leave often for trips that don't make any sense. He lies about things that don't even matter. I have hope and want our journey to change. It does not. He rushes out the door often. I cry, I yearn, I pine for love, any love. 

I worry about what is really happening. Is it me? Am I not lovable? What did I do to cause this? I try therapy with him. To no avail. He lies. Doesn't care. Laughs at my want of common courtesies. No empathy within him.

He pulls my arm. Throws things in my direction when I don't have enough toilet paper in the bath. Rushes at me when the guest room closet is left open. Screams obscenities that feel like darts into my soul when I shop and buy bath bubbles for myself.

Help me. I am falling down, deep, into a dark hole. Who am I. Then a burst of energy rises from my soul. I have to look. What must I do after 15 years? Pretend, just survive, recoil from life's beauty or die? I must walk tall for my kids even though I feel like a glassed over manikin.

I smell the leather as I unzip the bag. God tells me to look inside and accept.  Pressed shirts, primped pants, everything looks too perfect. Dear God, hold me as I stare breathless into Hell.

S & M Toys & Videos......................................

Blog hop # 52 Journey---- This is non-ficton unfortunately about a dear friend of mine.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Volunteers Rock Perspectives & Build Dressers

On June 14, 2012, nearly 375 Nash Finch Company employees from the Edina, MN headquarters lent a helping hand for a second year in a row to many Twin Cities nonprofit organizations. Through the 2nd Annual “Helping Hands in the Community Day,” Nash Finch provided more than 2,300 hours of volunteer time to 16 participating nonprofit organizations.  And as you can surmise Perspectives was one of the lucky agencies, with 23 employees coming in the rain to assemble 37 dressers for our Supportive Housing Program.

Perspectives & Nash Finch have a long history.  Our Family Center is housed in the old headquarters and their foundation has been supporting us since 2007.  This year, in addition to bringing 23 amazing volunteers, they also brought a $30,000 check from the NFC Foundation!  Thank you Nash for continuing to support our local community.
If you would like to volunteer at Perspectives, contact our Director of Volunteers, Laura Rogers at lrogers{at}perspectives-family{dot}org or call 952.405-2516 to discuss our volunteer opportunities.

Laura Rogers (Author)