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Thursday, August 11, 2011

GBE2 Picture prompt

I will be honest and say this picture prompt for the writing group GBE2 this week put a crink in my gut. It has taken me so long to process through all my feelings of lost dreams as it relates to these rings. I guess I never dreamed that at 48 years old, I would be a single mom, working so hard to keep my family in tact and happy. At age 27, I thought I had it all. I had a great career, a fiance' that loved me dearly and stars in my eyes.

I have always been a dreamer and a total romantic.  My dreams of a happy marriage did not last. I think as a young girl, my picture of happiness included a perfect world which was not realistic. As a psychologist, I know that young girls and women are bombarded by images of perfection, getting swept off their feet, and that we need to have a man to make us whole. I have changed so much in my perception of the world.

It was a shocking reality to me that my ex now, could have it in him to hurt me. This was the man I ended up having two wonderful children with.  The physical abuse did not last long because I told him, if this is something you think you can get away with, your wrong and I will leave. The verbal and psychological abuse was worse and that escalated after he knew he could not strike me.  I know now that I should have seen the red flags, but I was too invested by then to want to believe it. I stayed for thirteen years. I guess that is how long Tina Turner stayed with Ike Turner too. How wierd is that?  I now train on the cycle of abuse and teach women and men what the abuse cycle looks like. I teach that as grim as it can feel and look, there is HOPE.  

Don't feel sad for me because life is different now. Life without a man is sad, but it is great in a way I never could have imagined before. In my younger days I used to be "boy crazy." I've now learned to be handy at my house and my self-confidence has grown leaps and bounds.  I know God loves me so much and having a man that didn't treat me how I should be treated, stunted the blossoming of the Real Laura. How could I grow when I was just surviving and not living fully?

I am now the Laura that my friends knew before marrying my ex. First and foremost, I am a mom. My two kids mean the world to me. I have a thirteen and fifteen year old. I have turned down relationships in the nine years as a single mom because I know what kind of man I want.  For the first time in my life, I know I am doing it on my own and it feels quite empowering. I may meet someone in the future, but my primary goal is my children.

I feel so happy for those of you who have that partner you can rely on, be your self with, laugh and cry with. I just know that I have not met that person yet. 








8 comments:

  1. I hope that, if and when you meet him, you don't forget to put Laura first, always. Glad you are in a good place, and proving to the world that a woman doesn't always need a man to be happy :o)

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  2. Mojo Writin

    Thanks so much. I will always stay true to myself now.

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  3. It's crazy how many men behave the way that your ex did--we'd hope that yours was a very rare scenario, but so many women have been where you were. Sadly, not all break away and of those who do, not all find the strength that you have to build a wonderful life for you and your children. You are capable and tough and determined, and your daughters are very lucky to have you to provide them with an example of those qualities.

    And just for the record, I'm glad that you found it in you to post, even though this was a hard topic for you. You are living proof that no matter where someone is right now in their life, it can get better.

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  4. Word Nerd,
    It means a lot to me what you said about me being capable and determined. I have changed so much since my divorce. I guess reality hit me squarely in the eyes. I have no regrets. I feel grateful.

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  5. Fabulous post and I am so proud of you. Proud that you LEFT the situation and even more Proud that you made a good life for yourself and consequently for your kids.
    I survived a wicked (but not abusive, until the last night) marriage and I know that I am who I am because I showed my kids how to make it work, no matter what it takes. They are now grateful for the example I set. They are in their 40's and still carry some scars, but over all they are wonderful people that love their momma.
    You're doing it all right! <3

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  6. Well done, Laura. I also brought up my daughters as a single mother, I found my own strengths and my independence too. Now I can quite honestly say that I am 'happily single'.

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  7. Laura, thanks so much for sharing yourself with this post, I know it couldn't have been easy. It is obvious, though, that you're in a strong place and you seem to have a good understanding of who YOU are. I'm glad you were able to take adversity and turn it into something good to make you stronger, and keep a positive outlook. I love the song, too...good choice! Great post. :)

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  8. Good for you!! Be true to yourself!! I know that cycle all too well. I also got two great kids from the ordeal. It's been going on 22 years and I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life, even with my problems.

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