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Saturday, September 24, 2011

I am on top of the world

Let me share with you a keynote speech I gave back in 2000 and a symbol that came to me in a dream. I was to present as a keynote speaker, on family and family values for a alternative high school. I was in an abusive marriage when I had this dream. I look now on how prophetic this symbol was and I believe it was  given to me as a healing gift. At the time, I didn't really know what it meant. In the dream, I was sitting underneath a glass table and there were rats all around me.  By the end of the dream, I was sitting on top of the table and I could see the rats under me. Well, now in real life, I am standing on top of the table and shouting out for joy and the rat is gone.  It is all so crystal clear. I am on top of the world.

The Whisper That Became a Roar

My life with you was stagnant and sad
Seeing your anger, most everything made you mad

The evil energy in the house one could cut with a knife
Living with you was oppressive, devoid of any light

I tried to hide it from the children but to no avail, 
They witnessed your violence and watched your spit sail

You held them captive so I would go mad,
You coward, somehow you rationalized it would not make our kids sad

Your yelling was penetrating, we thought it would never end
Through the roof, our nerves you would send

Your words so confusing, I got dizzy and felt like I was in hell
You would follow me through the house, I finally fell.

The letter of our demise shown to our kids, 
I only found it accidentally and hid

You were planning at Christmas to blow us away
Our daughter only three then, told me in dismay

Mom, why does daddy say we'll die on Christmas and then all come back?
I slept in their rooms for weeks on my back

I tried ever so hard to act calm for you 
When your older you'll understand why mom felt so blue

Once the judge ordered him out it got worse
He would creep up behind me and suddenly lurch

Why are you afraid, he would say with a grin
You have fear issues and why are you so paranoid and lift up my chin

He would trance-like hypnotize the kids and put them on the table
His eyes would glass over, and to move, they were not able

Till I told him I would film him and show a judge for to see 
He'd say I had skeletons in the closet and the judge would take them from me

I acted calm as if I were not afraid of the one thing I could not lose
My beautiful children, the best thing I have ever done
My treasured daughter and my son

I can't believe I used to love this monster, who was he?
The judge moved him out of the house, but we had paid a grand fee

Remember when you'd follow me on the steps by our room, you would pronounce to me I had chest pain, that I was having a heart attack, God I have to leave
You kept coming at me till I had to run out of the house just to breath

My God I believed you, you scared the life out of me
I could not talk nor think straight, my legs felt like they would fall from underneath like spaghetti

You used to seem so beautiful, not ugly and even your face 
My therapist claimed, this is the worst classic case

I am not bitter I am free, I am so happy, my life is for my kids now, not me

You taught me a lot, what to look out for, my once soft whisper, has now become a roar

A wolf in sheeps clothing, but now I have my life back
God has healed us, our lives are on track

Freedom oh sweet freedom, I do so love you, thanks to all those that helped me through this, you were my strength and my glue

I have my life back , I thank you for loving me, life is a gift, peace is now what we see

Thank you God for letting me have the courage to leave the strife, not much can bother me now, I feel so gratefu, the world is our oyster, We have a new life

You taught me a lot, what to look out for;
My once soft whisper is Forever a Loud Roar



  1. Anonymous24/9/11 21:00

    Congratulations Laura! I am sooooo happy for you! You deserve to be on top of the world! - Susan

  2. Great write Laura--I am so glad you got out of your situation. Many hugs to you!! You are definitely a survivor! Cheers, Jenn.

  3. Todays working woman
    Thanks so much for your encouraging words. Life looks extremely good up here.

  4. We pay a heavy price, but the lessons we learn are invaluable.

  5. Jenn
    Thanks for commenting on this as I know you have read the poem before. I really appreciate your encouragement. Cheers back to you

  6. Your successful story and God's saving Grace are inspirational to all who read your words. An amazingly horrid experience ~ now an amazingly strong and capable woman.
    I hear you ROAR!

  7. Well done on climbing out from under the table, which must have taken great courage. After what you went through, you more than deserve to dance and sing on the top of the table :0

  8. Anonymous25/9/11 07:34

    Celebrate your strength, cause baby, you have it.

  9. Gene pool Diva
    I love this.... Celebrate your strenght. wee hee

  10. Paula,
    I'm a singing and dancing all crazy like on top of the table. On top of the World

  11. Jo
    Thanks so much for the lovely comment. Yep, I am roaring and LOUD. Bless You

  12. Sarah
    The lessons learned are invaluable. Nothing stands in front of my PEACE anymore. God is good.

  13. dang...what a hard story...i am glad there is a happy ending to it...and that you made it through....and have found freedom and peace...

    1. Thanks Brian, life is so wonderful and peaceful.

  14. Amazing what we go through and be free and not captive of the pain is a great accomplishment..good for you.

    1. Kkkkaty,

      Thanks so much for the wonderful comment. Life is sooooo good.

  15. oh heck...really happy for you that you made it to that table and the rats are gone..glad you found healing as well

  16. Claudia,
    Thanks for your supportive words.

  17. Dear sister-Those were dark, scary days when you were married to that man. I am so proud and happy that you had the courage to leave him, even after all the threats and lies. You are a perfect example of what it means to be a strong woman of faith. I watched you go from a happy, twinkling eyed woman, to a very scared, sad and oppressed woman. Thankfully, he did not kill your beautiful spirit but actually made you the strong woman you are today. You give such a gift to other women in this situation by writing about it and speaking about it in the community. I am so proud to call my twin sister my best friend. You make me so proud~

  18. Wow, you have a tough story but look at how strong you are. You are one amazing woman. Hold tight to that. :)