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Tuesday, March 6, 2012

GBE2- Confrontation

Ewwwww, that ugly word called "Confrontation." My take on this word is quite different now that I have lived and endured. Years ago when my dad went into treatment, confrontation was the way they dealt with addicts. I know why I went into the mental health field. I wanted to fix what was sorely broken.

I was only a kid, probably fifth grade, when my dad went in the first time. Each of us children had to "Confront the Addict."  They almost made me hate my dad who I loved dearly. We healed the pain after some years but wow! I learned first hand how people in the mental health field can really "F" up.

One time, the leader in the small group told my twin and I to confront this older guy, because he could tell  he was making us feel uncomfortable and frustrated.  Well, I learned a lesson that day.  "If you confront, you may end up hurt." It still pisses me off to this day that they knew so little and put us in that dangerous situation. The guy that we confronted, stood up from his chair and came over to us swinging.  We had to run out of the room!  What? why would I be afraid to confront?

It's kind of eery because I look at the incident that day in the treatment center and feel like an omen occurred.  See, the man I ended up confronting, treated his wife like crap. He was extremely verbally abusive and it made my skin crawl. I told him so- I mean, talk about out of the mouths of babes.  I ended up marrying someone that did this to me. He treated me and my kids like crap. I'm actually putting it lightly. He was an abusive monster!

Well, one fateful and life changing day, confrontation became my friend. Once the sun of a "B" started doing the severe mind control numbers on  my kids, like he had done to me for years, that's when the light went off.  Don't "F" with a mamma's cubs lest you want to face me head on into Mama Territory.  Roar! My days of hiding this shitty existence was NO MORE. I no longer cared about keeping "the secret."

Needless to say, I got out of the hellish relationship with the gift of my wonderful kids in toe. I was reborn in a sense that no one was gonna  "F" with me anymore.  I found the power within me from the help of my faith, friends and family. I don't usually talk like this but I have to keep it real.  I remember the day I stood up to him not knowing what he would do to me. I said, looking him straight in the eye- "Your a slimy "F" and I am serving you papers." I said this as I threw my hands into the air. In an empowered cheer, I  screamed, "yes", no more violence." I know it may sound simple to you, but it was a huge mile-stone in my healing journey. From that day forward, I had no more fear. In fact, I feel sad for him and his sorry existence. I will deal with his shenanigans for the rest of my life because of our beautiful children. The difference with our interactions now is that he knows he can no longer scare me.

He just lost one more amazing woman in his life because of the same horrid cycle of abuse. God help the women  who cross his path. He is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

15 comments:

  1. I do not like confrontation--but I have never been afraid to stand up for me, my husband, (or my kids) when needed. I'm quite good at "going to bat" for them.

    That part where you had to confront that guy that came at you swinging was scary. Living with a monster also has to be scary. I'm glad you are no longer in that situation, for the most part!! You are stronger because of all of this confronting, I am sure--but nonetheless--confrontation is not something many of us enjoy.

    Thanks for sharing and for giving it straight up. ((HUGS)) Jenn

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    1. Jenn

      I am so glad you feel strong is going to bat for those you love. Thanks for coming to my stoop AND letting me know It was ok for me to keep it straight.. (((Hugs)))) right back

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  2. That doesn't sound to me like a small moment, it sounds like your entire life shifting on it's axis. Way to go Laura, way to go.

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    1. Gene Pool Diva

      Thanks, your right too it was an entire paradigm shift. My world changed completely

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  3. Sounds to me like you got the confrontation aspect down to an art form! Good for you!! YAY! It is always nice to realize you can stand up for yourself.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com/

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    1. Kathy
      It does feel so good to be empowered. Thanks for bopping by.

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  4. What you did was not an easy thing to do, it took a lot of courage, strength and an immeasurable amount of love for your children. As a child I lived in fear of my father, who was a monster and abused my mother physically and emotionally. I ran away from home to escape, but I went right into another nightmare. I was 17 years old when I had my beautiful daughter. Her father was a monster who used me as a punching bag each and every day of my life. One day, I had enough. I took my baby and the clothes on our backs, walked out and never went back. The courage that I had that day changed the course of my life and the life of my daughter. I still wonder what would have become of us if I had stayed. All these years later, I still carry that courage and strength with me and god help anyone who ever hurts me or one of my children, it would be a very sad day for that person.

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    1. Roe
      wow, what a story. I am so glad you had the courage to leave the abuse behind.

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  5. Hmmm..another devil in the flesh story here. Why don't they just go extinct,huh? Mostly, we feel the person we fear about would actually kill us but you'll never know how weak that person is until you try to scare him too.They turn out to be cowards. Really.Thanks for sharing. I'm glad every time I read a survivor of an abusive relationship story.Cheers!

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  6. I'll be honest Laura, I just came to sit on your stoop and hang for a few with a warm and gentle soul.
    Instead, today, I met a force to be reckoned with! Telling it straight out is the only way to tell your story. It happened and it changed you. It's horrid, but the result is magnificent. One strong, beautiful and loving heart emerged from that storm of hate and abuse.
    Someone may read your tale and gather themselves up and make the move away from abuse. Keep sharing.

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  7. Man, unless you have lived it, people just don't realize how bad emotional manipulation and abuse can be! Congrats on getting OUT of there!

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  8. stand up for you! always! good write, laura.

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  9. I'm sure it's tough to confront an abusive husband. No matter how bad it gets, people grow comfortable with the status quo. To confront him is to make life changes and face the risk of his wrath. Good for you for moving forward.

    Joyce
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2012/03/writers-post-meets-silly-sunday-energy.html

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  10. Sometimes leaving is the hardest thing to do. Kudos to you for having the strength to be the Mama Bear in this batty cave. The contrast will serve you all well. I'm grateful for the healing.

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  11. Your children are very, very lucky to have you for their mom.

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