Loyalty brings up many feelings for me. To be "loyal" is a powerful concept in any relationship. I don't really know exactly how we learn how to be loyal, but for me it is a "must" in any positive, healthy relationship. I believe part of how we learn to be loyal is through role modeling in our own family of origin. Nature and nurture plays a role in how we learn this important trait. Loyalty is of the essence when we look at it in relationship to good friends, lovers, partners, pets...... I said in a positive relationship which does not hold true to a relationship that is brought down by brokenness.(Violence/Abuse)
Recently, I felt one of my best friends in the world, didn't show loyalty to me which hurt tremendously. To me, when you love your friends, loyalty comes with it. Several lovely women friends of mine met for cocktails and appetizers and I wasn't able to be there. The topic came up about me and the reason I left my ex husband. The women talked about how they were proud of me for leaving a very emotional, psychological, and verbally abusive man back in 2004. I know abuse is sometimes hard to see to the outside world, but one of my best friends blatantly pointed out that she loved my ex and didn't believe he was abusive. I felt like I was punched in the gut.
I want to be clear that spiritually, I have come to a point in my life where I don't want OR need any one's validation or approval of why I left a very dangerous man. I know what I lived with and no one that hasn't walked in my shoes could know the hell I endured. It was never my agenda that people believe me, and approve. I knew I did the right thing for my children and I never had one regret. To hear that one of my best friends spoke as though I made up an abuse story about my past marriage is hard to swallow. I was hurt because I wish she could've been loyal to me. My other friends were appalled at this disclosure when they knew that my relationship with my ex husband was almost the death of me. They made a point to let her know that they completely supported and believed what I went through.
" A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are" Anonymous