Gas Lighting Awareness

As a therapist, life coach and spiritual healer; it is beyond frightful the gas lighting going on in our White House and our world. It brings up  horrifying memories for me as I compare my old life with whatis happening in our white house and in our nation.  It is very concerning if you look at the circle of people in the lives of the president and the myriad of  lies they just believe, that fall out of his mouth. It is not that hard to be brain washed, in fact, if you read on Stockholm syndrome, it will give you a great look into the nature of this disorder. Gas lighting is a form of psychological abuse whereby the perpetrator tries to gain control by making others believe things that are not true.  The perpetrator manipulates the person or members of a group by using their secrets and/ or laying down seeds of doubt so they not only questions their sanity, but feel aligned to the perpetrator.  Gas Lighters are like vampires, sucking out reality by repeatedly saying the same things over and over and making us believe we are "The insane Ones".  I should know, I am pretty much an expert since I was married to a gas lighter. The long term effects of the abusive nature of this narcissistic, venomous personality is hard to define at first, but when educated on this everything makes sense. Hint, there is life after being gas lighted.

I was deeply scarred by the abusive nature of my gas lighter. Even after all these years, 19  years divorced and 21 years since I served him divorce papers, I am embarrassed to admit it took me so long to understand what "it Was."How could this happen to me, I am in the mental health field?

I tell groups of women and men in my training's of family violence and abuse and what we can do about it, that I will never forget the day I was able to "NAME IT AS ABUSE."

It took a lot of love and support to get me there, but I finally saw the Real person behind my 13 year marriage and the father of my two beloved children.

What I teach women and men in these sessions is how to look for these characteristics:

1. Is the person trying to isolate you? My ex used to keep me away from my twin sister and father as often as possible because he knew they loved and supported me. He could not brain wash me if I was my normal social self around the people I love.
2. Does this person name call and degrade you? A great example of this is when my ex and I were going to get a family picture taken. He stated matter of factly, lets wait till you lose weight to take this family picture. The sad thing is, I look back and I was so beautiful. It does not matter fat or thin, how f' ing horrid to say something like this to your wife who made vows with. (it worked, he made me feel ugly)
3. Is it always someone else's fault. Anyone in this persons life is demeaned. They go out of their way to make sure you know, it is never his/her fault, but everyone else around him/her.
4. Is this person possessive and wants to have you all to him/her self. Be careful, especially in the day of cell phones and social media. 10 calls within five minutes is absolutely glaring.
5. Do they tell Your stories for you to others and the stories are not what really happened? This happened frequently in my marriage with the gas lighter, and it got worse over time.
6. Red Flags! Sooo many red flags and I know I saw them and turned a blind eye. He hit me in the face before going into a dinner event with his family because I disagreed with him. Yep, that's all it took. Disagree with a narcissist, and you pay for it.
7. The power over you with $. I had to ask him for money. Ugh, how degrading. Not at all a partnership, I had to ask for $ even for groceries to feed our kids.I would get degraded when buying anything for me like bath bubbles.
8. I was F'in invisible to him. He sure wined and dined me when we met, then oh boy, the ride was over and I was a burden in every aspect of the word. Life was as I called it and my domestic abuse group called it, the Friday Night Horror show, but the bummer, it was my life.
9. Mind Control or f'ing- I look back now and shutter because most of my precious time he was using verbal and psychological abuse by telling me things, like, I did not say that or I did not hit you or insane things that to you and me are right in front of us. I mean, how could he actually say, he did not hit me, yet here I am at a DQ after he hit me and I stated don't ever hit me again. He made me pull up to a DQ window and order cones for my children as tears flowed down my cheeks with him in the passenger seat saying "Laura, calm down, I did not hit you and this is not good for the kids."


Cycle of Abuse

Trumps Ego builds his own impeachment case

If you are versed on Narcissism or Gas lighting at all, you know that Donald J. Trump displays the Narcissist personality and Gas lighting behavior to a T. He just can't keep his big mouth shut. He is his own worst enemy. 

 I will circle back to this further in my post. Right now, lets define Narcissism and Gas lighting because it is important to understand the psychological profile of DJT and why he acts the way he does. 

Narcissistic personality disorder as defined by Mayo Clinic says: is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favors or admiration they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilled, and others may not enjoy being around them.

Symptoms

Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and the severity of symptoms vary. People with the disorder can:

• Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
• Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
• Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
• Exaggerate achievements and talents
• Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
• Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
• Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
• Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
• Take advantage of others to get what they want
• Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
• Be envious of others and believe others envy them
• Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
• Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office

At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:

• Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment
• Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted
• React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior
• Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
• Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change
• Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection
• Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation

Gaslighting

Psychiatrist Theodore Dorpat described two characteristics of gaslighting: that the abuser wants full control of feelings, thoughts, or actions of the victim, and that the abuser emotionally abuses the victim discreetly, but in hostile, abusive and coercive ways. 

Patricia Evans states there are seven "warning signs of gaslighting are the observed abuser's: 

1. Withholding information from the victim

2. Countering information to fit the abuser's perspective

3. Discounting information

4. Using verbal abuse, usually in the form of jokes

5. Blocking and diverting the victim's attention from outside sources

6. Trivializing or minimizing the victim's worth

7. Undermining the victim by gradually weakening them and their thought processes. 

Hmmm, sounds a bit familiar doesn't it?  Yes, if you watch  our president in his tyrannical tweets, his speech and more recently the video of the President in his Davos talk,Trump spoke of the impeachment trial, " We have all the material." They don't have the material."  You can't make this stuff up, he really did say this. 

He could not stop himself. He stood up in front of all at Davos, bragging like a child. This is further evidence that this man has an ego bigger than the planet. Be aware all, that this behavior will incite from reporters, news outlets and perhaps even his staunch supporters that he is a train wreck for the nation. He admitted he withheld materials. Wow! Not very smart DJT. Remember this senators that stand up for him like clowns at the impeachment farce, he will have no problem throwing any of you under the bus. 

We need to role model what Nancy Pelosi is doing. We must pray for our enemy. We must pray for DJT because he is a mess that is wreaking havoc on our democratic system and our national and international security. 

"You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I shall rise." -Maya Angelou

Laura Rogers, M.A.