Monday, August 15, 2011
Trust is a big word since trust needs to be earned. I wish I would have learned that gem a bit earlier, but hey, old dogs do learn new tricks. Trust begins in the nursery. How safe and nurtured we feel as babies does impact our future in trust. My childhood had some great memories, but trust was not something I could count on by my parents.
I learned that because of my childhood, I am usually the one who can't commit because I didn't have a strong trust base. I really never thought I would marry because commitment was so hard for me. Well, who would of thunk it. I had a part of me because of my painful childhood that had my perception of all human kind as being too good. I know that sounds weird, but if you think about it, perhaps I really subconsciously did want love so bad, that I missed all the signs of the wrong person. In fact, maybe I wore Rose colored glasses. I ended up getting married and missed the red flags that were there from day one.
Here is the good part. I never lost sight of the fact that most of us are just plain awesome. I'm also not the naive girl I was back in the day when I met my ex husband. I have really come far. I think my past has really helped me see more realistically. I know that my childhood made me the loving, gifted person I am now. I definitely know it's why I am so grateful for everything I have.It is also why I am such a deep or depthy human being as my friends say. I thank God for all the wrong people in my life. I am glad life set me up to second guess trust. Now trust is easier for me. Show me love in action and I will take it. Burn me once, OK maybe twice and I will not put my energy into you.
I don't want to sound cheesy, but another part of my trust came in all of you here on these writing sites. I know we don't know each other personally, but in a way we know each other in some pretty important and sacred ways. I feel honored every day on line that I receive tips, support, that community feeling, and having you all share a part of you with me. Thanks to all of you. I think we all know how healing writing is. I have come so far now that I am writing, venting, using my creative abilities and finding such amazing, talented people here.
Sincerely, thanks for letting me be a part of your life.