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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Control: Do we Really Ever Let Go?

Today I write about the topic of control.  This is such an intense topic, one that could be written on by any human being.  "Let Go and Let God."  I  have heard this quote all my life from my loving family and friends.  Don't we all just want to hang on to what we know?  As a psychotherapist by trade, I see so many clients, so many diagnosis that are because "We Don't Want To Give Up On Control."  Look at the news, all the stories of doom and gloom, we have a right to want to savour a little of that "control. 

To want to be in control is not a bad thing.  Ask anyone you know if they have control issues.  I think most people would agree that they do. One of the first lessons I learned in my masters of counseling psychology program was about control.  Did you know the most current epidemic and most diagnosed in the diagnostic manual is all about anxiety and the entire spectrum of disorders around that issue. Yes, you heard it from me, our planet suffers ad nauseam from panick, anxiety,depression and the like.

I think as I age and grow wiser, I find letting go to be a little easier.  I know that life is precious. I have lost so many close to me that I know I need to try to go with the flow of life. Life is about connection, love, spending time with those you love and letting them know you love them.  Just today I lost a dear friend who was found in his van after grocery shopping.  He was slumped over on his steering wheel.  To you Kevin my friend, I am glad I told you I loved you.  Tomorrow I go to the hospital with my twin sister and best friend who is a seven year lung cancer survivor.  We will find out if the three spots on her lung are gone or not.

Yes, life is precious and at times for very painful. What I know now, is that I love life and all it has to offer, be it bad or good.  Some of the most painful memories I have somehow turned me into a writer, a deep conscientious human being that wants to give back to the world. I love God and my kids and all that is there for the taking in life. We do need to live life as actors in own play.  Irv Goffman social psychologist said, " Live life full by knowing your the creator of your own play."  I love this and is how I base my life.  If you met me you would see I am a little girl in a grown up body.



Control, you can't have me.

18 comments:

  1. Interesting insight on control...I've never really studied the issue, as you have, and I bet it can be fascinating.

    I am so sorry to hear of your friend Kevin. My heart goes out to you and his friends and family. That is never easy.

    And as for your sis...please know you all are in my prayers...I've been praying that she will get not have any cancers, sicknesses, etc. (((HUGS))) to you both.

    Cheers, Jenn

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  2. Beautiful blog!

    I'm so sorry for your loss...and I've been following many of your sister's blogs on RedGage... I hope and pray that she will be okay...

    As a teacher of young children I've always held that a small dose of control makes everyone feel safer--not too much, but definitely some...I also believe that God has the ultimate control and that my actions have consequences for good and for not so good.

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  3. Interesting post. Good luck with your sister. Sounds like you've been through enough already.

    I am your newest follower.

    Joyce
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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  4. What a great blog! Thanks! While I'm trying to manage/control my family - the trick is...accepting when things don't go my way and accepting it as that. Anxiety, depression...wouldn't wish it on anyone.

    Best of luck and warm wishes for your Sis! May her diagnosis be positive!

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  5. Lovely post!

    Even randomness is a pattern, so there's really no reason to fuss about control. The people I've met who are obsessed with it are usually have OCD.

    www.kateescapenj.blogspot.com

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  6. I love the quote and your own words are just as inspiring - "Life is about connection, love, spending time with those you love and letting them know you love them." Great post!

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  7. Terrific post. So wise and right on the mark. We have to discern what parts of our life we can control and which parts are out of our control or we become ill with those disorders you wrote about.

    Thanks for sharing.

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  8. soOOoo hear you! see death every week; only recently had to face that goodbye on a personal level; lost my dad two months ago to cancer.

    Life...death..its such a personal dance with control. When souls live their life "out of control" they tend to die the same way and others are left to deal with their ashes, literal or from the fires they lit.

    Adore your 'stoop' and smiles on your precious friends faces. They are fortunate to have you close! ((hugs))

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  9. I'm so sorry for your loss and am praying that your sister gets good news. ♥

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  10. How fortunate that you were able to tell Kevin you love him.
    That goes along with my belief to never go to bed angry, always hug my husband, kids and friends and always say, "I love you", because you just never know what tomorrow has in store~
    Sending up prayers for you and your's (((hugs)))

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  11. Insightful! Love the part about being the creator of your own play...funny thing is when I read first read it my thought was play as a verb not as a noun. It works both ways.

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  12. Christine,
    Yes, yesterday at the funeral I must have told 20 people I loved them. These are the people I grew up with. Ah, Kevin my friend that died pulled so many groups of people together. Life is Good

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  13. Brenda,
    I am so glad you enjoyed my stoop and my buddies faces. One of them is Kevin the friend I just losts sister. Erin is the one with the cute English hat on.

    Hugs

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  14. Catchats
    I love the wisdom in your comment. yes, we must beware of Control lest it gets even with us.

    Hugs

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  15. Laurie
    I am so glad you enjoyed my post. Yes life is all about love and connection.

    Thanks

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  16. Kate,
    I agree why fuss with control. Shit happens.

    Hugs

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  17. Beachlover
    I am so glad you like my blog. Also for the well wishes for my sis. She just found out her spots on her lung are gone. So many prayers and well wishes from people like you.

    Huggs

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  18. Jenn
    You sweet heart. Thanks for the prayers. It worked and I know you saw Linda's four spots are gone. Weeee

    Hugs

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